Ueda washed his face several times, but no matter how many times he rinsed away those tears on his face, they kept flowing out from his eyes. He looked at his own reflection in the mirror. How did it become like this? Last week, Ryo was smiling at him, asking him to marry him in the most romantic way, but now? He was lying there, helplessly. It had been a week and even though the doctors kept convincing him that Ryo will be awake soon, Ryo still hadn’t opened his eyes. He didn’t want to lose hope, but slowly Ueda began to believe that he was starting to lose the person he loved the most.

“Damn it Ryo!” Ueda threw his fist against the wall. “Wake up damn it!” he burst into tears again, and fell to the floor, suddenly feeling hopeless and useless. He couldn’t do anything for his boyfriend, and he couldn’t even stay in the hospital long enough to be with Ryo before their friends arrived. He wanted to cry, but he could only do it in silence, he was alone, with no one to comfort him.

-----------

After Yamapi and Jin told the doctor about their discovery, the medical team ran a few tests to examine Ryo.

“Sensei, what is wrong with my friend?” Yamapi asked in concern as he saw that the doctors had finished examining Ryo.

“Apparently, the hard bump he experienced during the accident had caused a post-traumatic amnesia.” the doctor explained.

“Amnesia? But he remembers us?!”

“Yes, Nishikido-kun only lost some parts of his memory, apparently the recent ones.”

“He believes that this year is 2005, does that mean he lost 3 years of his memory?”

“I believe so Yamashita-kun.”

“Excuse me? Don’t talk about me as if I’m not here!” The three men turned their heads to face an annoyed Ryo. “So you’re telling me, that I lost my memory and forgot everything that had happened in the last 3 years?”

The doctor nodded, “I can’t say for sure that you only lost 3 years of your memory. Maybe you remember some or maybe you even lost some of the years before. But don’t worry, this type of amnesia is usually only temporary, although there is a possibility for it being permanent.”

Suddenly their conversation was interrupted when a sound of something falling to the floor was heard. They looked at the source of the sound, and saw Ueda standing by the door.

“I…I’m sorry,” Ueda said as he picked up the bottle of vitamins he had dropped.

“Who’s that girl? Your girlfriend Jin?” Ryo asked, seeing a beautiful feminine figure by his door. The figure had the prettiness of a girl; brown locks falling to cover ‘her’ face as the person bent over to reach for the fallen object.

“Girl?” Jin laughed.

“That’s not a girl, Ryo! That’s Ueda.” Yamapi explained

“U-Ueda?”

-----------

Ueda gathered his strength and got up; he had cried the whole time he was in the bathroom. He washed his face again, and looked himself in the mirror. His eyes were red “Shit!” he cursed.

He let out a heavy sigh and willed himself to be strong. He needed to be strong for him, and for Ryo.

He bought some vitamins from the pharmacy, he didn’t need any but he need some evidence to show his friends that he was indeed going to the hospital to buy some medicine, not to visit Ryo.

As he arrived in front of Ryo’s room he heard from the slightly opened door a conversation between a few men. He heard something about Ryo being awake and as he heard this news, his heart filled with joy and relief.  Ryo was finally awake, but he was also sad that he wasn’t there when Ryo woke up. He wasn’t the first one Ryo saw after a week of being in coma. He wasn’t there to smack Ryo’s head for making him worried and miserable for days. But despite all of that, he was glad. Glad that his lover was finally back with him.

“Apparently, the hard bump he experienced during the accident had caused a post-traumatic amnesia.” Ueda heard the doctor explain.

What? He must have heard it wrong. Amnesia?

“So you’re telling me, that I lost my memory, and forgot everything that had happened the last 3 years?” Another voice was heard. And Ueda’s heart was beating faster as he heard this voice. The familiar voice he longed to hear.

But when he took in the meaning behind Ryo’s words, once again Ueda was left shocked. His grip was getting weaker and he couldn’t help dropping the medicine he held in his hand as he heard the shocking news.

----------------

“Yamashita-kun, Akanishi-kun, can I talk to you outside?”

The boys nodded and followed the doctor, leaving Ryo and Ueda alone in the room.

Ueda didn’t know why, but he was nervous.

“So…princess” Ryo began, “You finally decided to change your gender, huh?”

“Huh?” Ueda couldn’t believe his ears. Was Ryo mocking him? He was used to being mocked and ridiculed by Ryo, but not when the two of them were alone in the room. Ryo must’ve really lost his memory.

“I said you’re turning into a girl. You need to change that girly hair cut of yours, its blocking your ear.”

Ueda was hurt and surprised. He didn’t imagine that the first words Ryo would say when he woke up were words of ridicule and mockery. Right at that moment, a million of questions and thoughts were running through his mind. Had Ryo really lost his memory? His memory of the two of them? About their relationship? About his love for him?

“Don’t tell me you’ve lost your ability to talk too?” Ryo raised his eyebrows, “I can’t believe a lot of things changed in three years.”

Ryo really did lose his memory. At that realization, once again Ueda felt weak in the knees, and his face went pale. He didn’t want it to become like this.

“Oh God! Are you crying princess?” Ryo said as he saw tears slowly rolling down Ueda’s cheeks. “I guess something didn’t change after all. Still the same old cry baby,” Ryo laughed again and Ueda couldn’t take it. He forced his weak knees to help him run out from Ryo’s room.

----------------

“What do you mean you don’t know? You’re the doctor!”

“Yes, but these kinds of cases are not easy to determine. I don’t know what Nishikido-kun remembers and I don’t know what he has forgotten. Only him and you as his friends know. And only you and the people around him can help him gain his memory back,” the doctor explained.

“How are we supposed to do that?”

“By helping him remember, telling him what he has forgotten,” he advised.

“I see.”

“But I must warn you, Nishikido-kun’s condition is still weak. His brain is not strong enough to receive too much information, So you must help him remember slowly. I suggest you start with some simple and light events. Save the events that affect Nishikido-kun’s emotions for later, when his brain is ready.”

“I see, doctor.”

“Well, I leave him to you then. Good luck Yamashita-kun, Akanishi-kun.” the doctor said, patting Yamapi’s shoulder as he left the two friends.

“Thank you, doctor,” the two boys bowed. And they returned to Ryo’s room.

“Heh? Where’s Ueda?” Jin asked as he realized Ryo was alone in his room.

“Running away as usual,” Ryo answered simply.

“From?” Jin asked back, bewildered by Ryo’s answer.

“What did you do, Ryo?” Yamapi rolled his eyes, seemingly knowing the cause as to why Ueda left.

“I guess he still remember how to make Ueda cry after all.”

“Couldn’t possibly forget about that,” Ryo smirked.

The two boys could only shake their heads at Ryo’s actions.

“So what did the doctor tell you?” Ryo asked, curious as to why the doctor wanted to talk to his friends alone.

“Not much really, he just told us to help you gain your memory back.”

Ryo sighed “I can’t believe I don’t remember anything, I mean, you said it is 2008 but the last thing I remember was…” Ryo stopped and tried to remember, “…celebrating the release of our new single.”

“Single?”

“Yeah,” he stopped again to think. “Teppen!”

“Oh that!” Yamapi smiled, “Well Ryo, that was years ago, and now we have released our 9^th single ‘Summer time’, just before your accident.”

“9^th?” Ryo was amazed

“Yup! 9^th!”

“And you know what Ryo?” Jin didn’t want to be left behind, “We’ve released a new single too! Our 7^th!”

“We?”

“Yeah! Me and the guys! KAT-TUN!”

“You guys…… debuted?”

“Yup! We debuted in 2006,” Jin said proudly.

Jin and Yamapi continued their updates on the major things that had happened in the last 3 years. They were so excited in telling Ryo about them that they had forgotten all about Ueda.

Meanwhile, Ueda was already on his way home. After knowing the fact that Ryo had lost some of his memories, he sprang out of the hospital and headed straight home. He had suffered for the last few days, and now when Ryo was finally awake from his coma, when Ueda was supposed to feel bliss at having his boyfriend back, he ended up feeling even more miserable than before. Ryo had forgotten everything about him, about their relationship. Ueda didn’t have his lover back in his arms; in fact he had lost him.

--------------

The JE boys decided to throw Ryo a welcome back party. They had been told about Ryo’s condition by Yamapi and Jin. They all gathered to welcome Ryo back and one by one, they told Ryo some funny and interesting events that Ryo had forgotten. Yamapi had to stop them and warned them that Ryo could not take too much information for now. Ryo scowled at his friend’s over protectiveness, but he knew that Pi was only doing it as the doctor had advised him to.

Everyone in JE was invited, from SMAP until the juniors. Ueda hesitated in joining the party at first, but Jin insisted and he couldn’t say no to his friend, especially when everyone was there. When everyone approached Ryo to ask him about his condition, to ask what he could remember or even to joke around with him, Ueda could only watch Ryo from a distance. For a moment everything looked so normal, as if Ryo hadn’t lost his memory at all, he was smiling and laughing with his friends, just like before the accident. Ueda stared at Ryo intensely, when suddenly Ryo looked back his way. Ueda felt like he was being caught, but then Ryo was smiling his way. A slight glimmer of hope came to Ueda’s mind, convincing himself that maybe Ryo didn’t lose all his recent memories, maybe Ryo could still remember a little about him, about them. But his hope was again crushed as Ryo suddenly walked closer towards him.

“Yo, fish lips!” Ryo began as he stopped in front of Ueda. “Gosh! I still couldn’t get over the fact that you’ve turned into a girl.”

Words of ridicule were thrown again at him, and Ueda knew this time they were real. They weren’t just random mockery Ryo threw to pretend and act in front of his friends, to cover their relationship. Those were not the kind of words he wished Ryo to say when he saw Ryo smiling at him. He knew now the smile was not the loving smile Ryo usually threw at him, it was more like a smirk. A smirk filled with mockery and contempt.

“I mean seriously, I’m glad that you’ve passed that weird Gackt phase of yours, but this?” he laughed, “Well at least you were a fanboy of Gackt.” He burst out laughing, a little louder this time.

And again, Ueda didn’t reply. He tried to say something in retort, but only ended up gaping. Ryo was laughing at him, in front of his face. Ryo who was so kind and loving to him a few weeks ago, was now back to the same person he hated years ago, the person who always threw harsh words like a stabbing knife to his heart.

Ueda couldn’t take it any longer. He ran as fast as he could, heading nowhere but just running away from everyone, from Ryo.

He didn’t know how far he had run when he stopped in the middle of an empty street when he felt he had no more strength left to run. He slumped on the ground with his eyes staring blankly on the asphalt beneath him and tears began flowing from his eyes. The doctor had said that Ryo’s amnesia could be temporary, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that it might also be permanent.

“Am I losing you Ryo?”